Powerful Mantras for Judging People
When we judge everyone and everything, we don’t know anything.
One of the most incredible changes I’ve made in my life that has undoubtedly made me a happier person and a better friend is learning not to judge people.
I’m not going to sit here and pretend I never judge others – we all tend to do this by default … it’s human instinct, and I’m no exception. But I learned to catch myself and understand how harmful the assessment is.
Note that I say “harmful” instead of “bad,” because instead of judging myself, I prefer to watch the act of condemnation do harm.
What are the main harmful conditions indicated by my tendency to judge people? This is different, but in many cases these points apply …
- I don’t know the whole story and therefore I don’t know what most people go through.
- I have unrealistic and unjustified expectations of people.
- Subconsciously, I think that I am somehow better than those I judge.
- I am a little self-centered and selfish.
- I lost sight of my gratitude for my own blessings and compassion for those unlucky.
- I am not curious and do not want to learn, but instead I judge and reject people who are different from me.
- I can’t help in the current situation from the place of condemnation.
How a person is judged
Let me give you a personal example of how judging someone is played out so that we can see how the above harmful conditions arise:
I visit an old friend who actively neglects his own health – he is overweight and extremely high blood pressure, but at the same time he eats unhealthy food every day and never plays sports. I know that he can improve his health by changing his daily decisions. So I judge him for what he does, get annoyed with him, indirectly insult him with my self-confident comment, and then fire him when our conversation turns sour. Situations like this happen all the time in relationships all over the world – just change the details a little, and then replace my old friend with someone else’s husband, wife, father, mother, colleague, friend, etc.
Now let’s take a closer look at what actually happens in my situation …
Firstly, I do not understand a bit what my old friend is going through, as I do not quite understand his point of view. In truth, he was deeply depressed by his poor health, felt ugly, unwanted, scared, and did not trust himself to make better decisions. Due to his depression, he desperately tries not to think about anything related to his health and therefore feels better with snacks, watching TV and other unhealthy entertainment. He’s just trying to cope. And in fact, I have done similar things many times in the past … I have failed. I’ve dealt with adversity. I felt depressed. And I consoled myself in unhealthy ways. So I’m no better than him, even if I think so.
Moreover, I am ungrateful to the amazing person he is, despite his health problems. He’s really great – that’s why I’m friends with him – but judging by him, I don’t appreciate him at all. Instead, I dive into myself, focusing on how “better” I am, how I think he “should” be, how annoying he is, how much more important my irritation is than all the pain he feels inside. I’m not curious about what is really going on in his heart and mind, and what he goes through and why. Instead, I just condemned him. And from this position of limited judgment, I cannot do anything, because I stopped communicating effectively and rejected him as unworthy of my efforts.
How to stop judging by starting
First of all, you must be aware of the fact that you are doing this. It takes practice, but there are two crystal clear signs of judgment to look for in yourself:
- You feel irritated, irritated, angry, or neglected towards someone
- Are you complaining or gossiping about someone
After you catch yourself judging, pause and take a deep breath. Don’t berate yourself, just ask yourself a few questions:
- Why are you judging this person now?
- What unnecessary or idealistic expectations do you have of this person?
- Can you put yourself in this person’s shoes?
- What can this person experience?
- Can you find out more about their history?
- What can you now appreciate in this person?
Once you’ve done that, offer your kindness and compassion. Maybe they just need someone who hears them, someone who doesn’t judge them, someone doesn’t control them, someone is present without an agenda …
But in any case, remind yourself that you cannot help them from a position of judgment. And you can’t help yourself either … because judging people is stressful.
Mantras that do not allow judgment
Since I intellectually understand everything discussed above, but often forget when I am under pressure, I have implemented a unique strategy that helps me to stop judging people. In short, I remind myself beforehand NOT to judge. Every time I find myself in a social situation, when I feel an itch of condemnation awakening inside of me, I recite the following mantras to myself before leaving the house …
- Look inside first. When two people meet, the advantage in communication goes to the one who knows the most about himself. He or she will be calmer, more confident, and calmer with another.
- Don’t be lazy and judge people. Be good. Ask about their stories. Listen. Be humble. To be open. Be careful. Be a good neighbor.
- Each person has its own story. There is a reason they are the way they are. Think about it and respect them for who they are.
- How we treat people we strongly disagree with is a report card that reflects what we have learned about love, compassion, and kindness.
- Do your best to keep sincere love in your heart. The more you see good in other people, the more good you will discover in yourself.
- Be present. Be good. Compliment people. Build on their strengths, not their weaknesses. Here’s how to make a difference.
- We all go our separate ways in search of satisfaction and joy. The fact that someone is not on the road does not mean that they are lost.
- It’s okay to get upset. It’s never okay to be violent. In case of disagreement with others, refer only to the current situation. Don’t think back to the past or any other drama.
- The most memorable people in your life will be those who loved you when you weren’t very nice. Keep this in mind and return the favor when you can.
- Whatever happens, be kind to others. Being kind to people is a peaceful lifestyle and a wonderful legacy to be left behind.
Photo by: Greg Rakosi